Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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