What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
