Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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