I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
