David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
