How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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