Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
