i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
