It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
