this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
