I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize