Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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