Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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