My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
