Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
