We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
