He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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