I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
