ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
