I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
