Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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