Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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