I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
