Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
