you have to choose: penises or morals?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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