you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize