i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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