The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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