my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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