Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
