After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
