there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
