Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
