So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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