her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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