it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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