Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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