Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
