On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
