I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Randomize
