I cannot find my penis.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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