The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
