They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
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He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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