PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
