Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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