I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
