you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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