i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
