I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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