what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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