I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
