i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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