I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
