i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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