Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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