Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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