For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
