shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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