First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
