Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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