Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Rumble strips road head = magical
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
