DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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