"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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