oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
