I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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