once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
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He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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