Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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