Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
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You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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