this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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