No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
