Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
