If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
