Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
A bitchslap is in order.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
