thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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