im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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