So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
