i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
