I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
