Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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