Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
