You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
