That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I need to stop coming to work sober
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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