foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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